“Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses, yearning to breathe free,” quote from the Statue of Liberty. Microsoft took this one to a whole new level. Let’s have some fun and break it down: “Give me your tired… they’ve been working too hard.” Let’s make them lazy by not making them lift the controller. “Give me your poor”, so they can drool over this new technology that they can’t afford. “Your huddled masses”, that will definitely kill each other on release day; “Yearning to breathe free”, so they can have the latest and greatest. Before you get your panties in a bunch about getting excited over the Xbox One, let me shed some light on Xbox One.

First of all, Microsoft, in case you weren’t aware, there’s already an Xbox One. It was the first one. For the love of God, please count. OH NO WAIT, you DO know how! Remember when you were planning on naming the new Xbox the ’720′? Good! So after the console drops, whip out your calculators, and add 360 and 720. What do you get? Redundancy. It could be worse – it could have been the Durango. Way to go Microsoft Marketing team, now please, PLEASE, stop!

So, why are you naming this Xbox One? Oh, you wanted to forget about the first two.  Just promise us that you won’t name the next Xbox, the One also because you wanted to forget about the first three. Look, if I can’t forget about my ex-boyfriends, you can’t forget about the previous Xbox consoles. Life just doesn’t work that way.

Moving on to our favorite part, the fact that we don’t really know what it is. When everyone else’s technology gets sleek and chic, Microsoft decides to be a rebel and go full retro and hipster on us, by giving it the design of a shiny black VCR, or a shoe box. Or a cable box. I looked at it further and then thought, “Oh, they’re actually trying to make it look like an improved original Xbox!” Despising the whole thing anyway, I felt I gave them too much credit.

As I understand it, this will probably cost me my unborn children, in addition to their childrens’ children, and etc. That’s fine and dandy, and I don’t mind selling my soul for it, but not making it backwards compatible? No, I’m really not happy. After I dropped hundreds of dollars on games, controllers, headsets, wireless adapters, hard drives, and whatever else, to not make it backwards compatible is a straight Hadouken to the babymaker. Let me get this straight: I spend $400-500 on the console, plus $60 for another controller, and about $200 to start me off with XBone games. And when my 360 breaks, I then have to spend $200 to buy a new one? Are they OUT OF THEIR BLOODY MINDS?! Microsoft, get over yourself. You might be the 1%, but your consumers are not.

Which brings me to my next point, I’m certainly not going to spend almost $1k on this thing to be taken over by my parents and brothers so it can be left on ALL DAMN DAY due to watching TV and playing videogames, just so it can burn out. Clever devils, aren’t they? You buy the system, it gets burnt out, and then you ship it off and don’t see it again for a month, or your warranty gets voided and you have to buy a new one. We’re all onto your game.

Speaking of games, I really wish Microsoft showed off something we should get excited about. FIFA, Forza Motorsport 5 – those games are still a thing? And before they announced their final game, they brought on Steven Spielberg to talk about a new Halo TV series in the making. I did get excited about that, but that has nothing to do with the Xbox One! They did it so all of us Halo fans can bust one out and get ratings up. However, as quickly as it ascended, it has to quickly descend… by announcing yet another Call of Duty, because we simply can’t get enough of this franchise. However, they added custom characterization where you can alter your face and looks, which comes in handy with a FPS, am I right? I do have to admit that the game looked cool, since they didn’t give us much of anything else to say about it. I know I initially got really excited about having the K9 companion, but then the grey cloud of dread loomed over my head. The dog is going to die, or at least will die in one of the future games. You’re going to have to give it a funeral, and it’s going to be the saddest goddamn thing since the death of your dog Sparky, 5 years ago. As sad and messed up as this is going to sound, PETA is going to be all over this like they were with Pokémon. I can see it now – I’m going to sit back and cry that my puppy died, and then shake my head that PETA is flipping out, and the Westboro Baptist Church is going to protest with “THANK GOD FOR DEAD DOGS” signs. Yes, I can absolutely see this unfolding.

Let’s talk tech now by starting with the positives first. Can we have a slow clap for finally getting Blu-ray? On a serious note, I like the Skype capability, especially as someone who does use it often. I do like the switching ability as well, even though I’m usually only playing videogames or watching TV – not both. What I don’t like? Face recognition. If you happen to get mauled by a chimpanzee (God forbid), you’re pretty screwed, aren’t you? And the fact that the dashboard will show what you were last doing?! That can make for a really awkward situation. I don’t want anyone to remember my history – ever. Now, of course the Kinect is required for the Xbox One, which sucks in itself. I swear, we’re one step away from being like those fat people from Wall-E. I find it easier to go to whatever commands I desire by controller, but I understand it takes effort, and effort is not exactly supported anymore. Welcome to the new age!

So, I think I covered the essentials. Unless Microsoft presents us with something revolutionary, I have nothing to say that’s really all that positive. I don’t want a relationship with my Xbox, I don’t want it to be a family system. And I certainly don’t want it to be a “water cooler” (what the hell was that even about?! Consoles are NOT used for that purpose). Bottom line, buyers and Xbox enthusiasts just got royally XBoned.

It’s finally here, after months of wait and speculation, Microsoft has announced it next Xbox system and it’s name is… (What for Drum Roll) Xbox One. Yes Xbox One, the One signifying what Microsoft is aggressively going after in making this an all in one system for the living room. The show started off with a video saying how the brought games to life and how they brought games to us, so right off the back I thought Microsoft was going the Sony route by saying how important gaming was to the system. But then the video keeps going, and begins to discuss the relationship between you in the TV this platform will bring. And THAT is really what this conference was all about.

Microsoft didn’t waste any time and showed off what everyone came to see, the system. Yes the actual physical system was on display for the world to see, something Sony failed to do with the Playstation 4. I personally like the design, it’s sleek and shinny, simple yet elegant, and the redesigned controller looks better, if not really similar, than the previous. Then Microsoft dived in and showed off what they were bringing to the table. Of course the Kinect is still here and looks to be more powerful and responsive, as using a simple voice command, “Xbox on,” the system pops on. The home screen looks a lot like Windows 8, I don’t think anyone is really surprised with, and was sporting a new feature called “Trending.” With this you can see what you friends are liking and what people around Xbox Live are liking. With a simple command, “Xbox watch TV,” you arte now watching TV on your Xbox and with the new “Instant switching” mode you can switch on the fly between TV, gaming, music, and other apps on the Xbox and “Snap” mode allows users to use multiple aps at once like a fully supported Skype in HD and with video chat. Another cool feature was using Minority Report like motions to surf channels and browse around the Xbox. Now while this all looked cool, I can’t help but wonder how effective it will work once the consumer gets in in their living room.

Not done with pushing TV, Microsoft shows off watching ESPN and getting instant updates to you fantasy league on screen. Using voice control allows the user to surf through the TV guide, change channels, and let’s you know what TV shows are trending. You can be sitting on the couch and say, “What’s on HBO?” or “Watch the Price is Right.” And this all looks cool, but I worry about the recognition of the voice control. If I don’t say the name of the show the same way my family does, will it work for all of us? What if I have an accent, will that factor in?

We got a little info on the specs of the system. It will have: 8 Core CPU, 8 GB system memory, 500 GB HDD, Blu-ray drive, 802.11n wireless with Wi-Fi direct, HDMI in/out, and USB 3.0. The Kinect comes with all Xboxs and is required for use. With its redesigned controller, Kinect, and smart glass technology, Microsoft is boasting that there will be no lag between input and system. That still remains to be seen but if true, all the power to Microsoft. The new Xbox Live will be run by over 300 thousand servers and everything stored in the cloud to access you data anywhere.  New Achievements will by more dynamic and show off more of what you have done and there will be a sharing option with the ability to record and upload videos (though not much was spoken on that).

At this point we are about 35 minutes in and nothing has been mentioned about actual gaming on the system. EA came out and announced a partnership with Mircosoft. They announced 4 games coming to the Xbox One; Fifa 14, Madden 25, NBA Live, and UFC. All games are not exclusive but EA states that the Xbox version will have exclusive content. Also announced exclusive to Xbox One is EA Sorts Ignite. It’s a game engine that is supposed to make the sport games more realistic, which is what they try to do with every iteration of any EA sports game. So far it’s only confirmed for Xbox One but it sounds like this is how they will make their sports game from now on across platforms. EA ended their segment with “… how all EA Sports games will look and play on Xbox One.” (Sigh) This miffed me, the first footage of any game for the new system and it isn’t game play footage, but the usual trailer footage EA makes for their Sports game. This isn’t how the game will look or feel once it hits the system and that’s what I really wanted to see. It’s a personal gripe yes but still.

More talk about how Microsoft is making gaming more immersive, personal and connected. All right, this is what I was waiting for, some talk about the games… Sadly no. They announced Forza Morta Sport 5, a racing game that will be available at launch, great, except again we are treated to another CGI trailer. Now this trailer is a little harder to tell if it’s actual game footage, made with in game graphics, or a CGI trailer but I believe it is the latter. If the game actually looks this good I will be astonished and happy that they could pull that off. Next was the announcement by Remedy Studios, developers of Alan Wake, with Quantum Break that is a brand new IP. I live action trailer with some not so great acting leads into gameplay footage of a boat crashing and some stills in a gun battle. Nothing really shown about the game at all which looks like a theme here.

Back to television, Microsoft announced they are working on several studios and their first show is going to be a live action Halo show, produced by Steven Spielberg. This sounds like a cool idea considering how popular their Halo franchise is and how long they’ve been trying to make a live action movie. Not much is known about the project yet. They also announced a partnership with the NFL, really going after the sports fans with this one. Microsoft is definitely going after a completely different market and they are firing on all cylinders.  Lastly, what’s Xbox without Call of Duty. The new title, Call of Duty: Ghost was announced and we were given a pick and the development of the title and the improvements of the graphics compared to MW3. New to Call of Duty is a dog as your part of your squad and “new” features like vaulting and leaning to shot around corners. This might by new to the franchise but not FPS. And we are given the first trailer for the game which actually shows off some of the game. And it looks good, CoD fans can be excited again. And with that the event ends.

So how did Microsoft do? Well I have to start by saying that I was personally underwhelmed. I didn’t see much of anything about actual games and I am a gamer first and foremost. While some people are stating that this wasn’t targeted at us gamers, I ask who is not a gamer watching this at 10 in the morning pacific time? That being said, I can put that side of my aside and say I am very interested in what Xbox One is trying to accomplish. The interactive entertainment HUB is pretty awesome and responsive from what they have shown. They clearly want to grab a larger audience than just the core gamer. Even though they have to go against products already out there that do the same thing, they are bringing some interesting ideas to the table. I just don’t know how far they can go if they alienate the hardcore gamer audience. While they could probably bring in more customers than they would lose, I don’t expect the starting price point to be cheap so why would non gamers want to shell out the money when they already have smart TVs? Microsoft did announce 15 exclusive titles coming to the Xbox One in the first year with 8 of those being new IPs. That is an impressive number for a launch and I expect them to really go after the core gamers at E3 in a few weeks.  All in all I was disappointed and I thought Sony did a better job revealing the PS4, but again, I’m a gamer and that’s who Sony was speaking to. E3 is going to be big this year so expect a lot more details to come rolling in soon.

Some announcements made after the show; some companies were able to announce games coming to Xbox One such as Assassin’s Creed 4 and Watch Dogs. The Xbox does not have to be always connected, however it seems that they are pushing for being as connected as you possibly can. In an interview from Kotaku with Phil Harrison, he stated that you have to connect to the Internet at least once a day. Another interesting piece of information, again from Kotaku, is that the Xbox One will not block used games. However you will need to pay a fee to play a used or borrowed game that, at least in the case of a new game, would be the same price as purchasing the game itself. Microsoft says they are still working on a way to trade and sell game codes online so I will wait for a little more information on that before condemning them for basically saying if your friend wants to barrow your game he might as well buy a copy himself.

Well there you have it folks, A lot of info to take in one day but we finally know what Microsoft is planning. Who do you think had the better reveal, Xbox or Playstation? Which are you most looking forward to? Either way, this years E3 is going to be huge.

“Come at me, bro.”

Some of the content in Iron Man 3 may disappoint a few nasally-voiced nerds and fanatic purists, but for the non-comic book types who just like superhero movies, and the majority of the crowds herding along or riding their bandwagons to theaters this week, it should do just fine. It’s a much needed improvement after the second installment, and it makes a better companion to the first film, yet it doesn’t quite reach the thoroughly satisfying level that The Avengers provided (a comparison I make only because it seems to aim for a similar blend of magnitude, comedic levity, and character intimacy).

Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr.) is now suffering from PTSD and anxiety attacks (of the shoddy Hollywood variety) after he nearly sacrificed his life for humanity at the end of The Avengers. Pepper Potts (Gwyneth Paltrow), Colonel James Rhodes (Don Cheadle), and Happy Hogan (ex-franchise director/skinnier actor, Jon Favreau) return as Stark’s partners in anticrime. Stark has been ignoring them as he slips further into isolation and obsession with tech tinkering in his workshop. A trio of new characters come in the form of Maya Hansen (played by the underutilized Rebecca Hall), Aldrich Killian (Guy Pearce), and The Mandarin (Ben Kingsley).

The film’s plot is introduced through some interesting ideas that never really play out. Killian comes to Stark Industries to propose a project, and it turns out he and Pepper are longtime acquaintances. He has gone from über-geek-loser to dashing millionaire scientist since she last saw him, and he resumes putting some moves on her. We think there might be some romantic drama derived from Killian’s strong interest in Pepper, as opposed to the relationship problems she’s having with Stark, but that potential plot thread fizzles out about 15 minutes into the movie.

Killian’s proposed project is also an intriguing idea at first. He explains that there is an unused portion of the human brain that can be targeted by his company’s formula, Extremis, to push humans closer to their biological potential. This notion turns out to be a plot device when Extremis falls into malicious hands and populates the film with mostly disposable bad guys who are fast, strong, get really hot and glow when they are angry, and stomp around wreaking havoc for no clear rhyme or reason. Aside from Extremis’ initial introduction, the movie has no interest in explaining the pseudo-science behind the drug. Some users seem addicted while others don’t, some can handle its effects while others explode, and some seem fully autonomous while others are basically murderous zombies.

The main missteps of Iron Man 3 are in its inconsistent narrative pacing and tone. As with most big-budget summer movies as of late, it runs over two hours and has its peaks and valleys. There are not any truly boring moments, but I found myself briefly zoning out a bit around the three-quarters mark. The action scenes are heavily computerized and overblown, but aside from the climax, they never really pour over into sensory overload.

The best action feat is the Air Force One crash sequence we got a glimpse of during the Super Bowl earlier this year. Not only is it the most visually exciting and superhero-y moment in terms of audience engagement, but it also counteracts the film’s tonal flaws. Shane Black directed and co-wrote the film, and he seems to be intent on seizing opportunities to subvert the superhero movie genre. There are numerous occasions where a scene sets itself up for something nerdgasmic and badass to happen, and breaks the expectation at the last minute by diverting to slapsticky humor.

There are two crucial situations in the last act in which Tony calls for his newly developed set of nanobot-respondent armor. In the first, one glove and one boot make it there before the rest of the suit, and he’s left ungracefully hovering around the room and fighting his attackers off. In the second, he’s poised and ready to have all the pieces assemble themselves on his body so he can triumphantly take out the main villain, and the suit collides with a pillar next to him, falling to the ground anticlimactically. The most obvious example of the film’s defiance of convention comes from a plot twist surrounding Kingsley’s Mandarin. Let’s just say he’s not exactly the archenemy, bin Laden-esque, America-hating, philosophizing super terrorist he makes himself out to be in the beginning.

It’s a conflicting thing to see this betrayal of audience presumptions. On the one hand, we’re always criticizing movies for being cliché and predictable, but at the same time it feels strangely off-putting when we are geared up by expectations for a familiar valiant pose, one-liner, or payoff, and they are deflated by a visual or narrative punch line. Some of these instances were clever and refreshing, but not all of them sat right with me. They were eliciting laughs from the audience, but I was almost wishing Black had just gone with convention and played more of them with the typical aggrandizing movie flair that makes the testosterone-loaded frat boys in the back row of the movie theater hoot and holler in approval.

“Tony, your eyes look so beautiful and blue in this light….”

Most of this humility is funneled into the main thematic stream of humanizing Tony Stark. There is a constant question about whether the man makes the suit or the suit makes the man. The trials and tribulations employed to develop Tony are actually pretty akin to those of a classic Joseph Campbell hero’s journey. We get to see him out of his comfort zone and away from his abundant money and resources for a long stretch in the middle of the movie. During this segment, there are a few MacGyver-like sequences that showcase the same brainy ingenuity that led Stark to escape his captors and become Iron Man in the first film.

All-in-all, this installment did not leave me with any strong positive or negative reaction. It’s more satisfactory than satisfying, but not completely forgettable like Iron Man 2. It takes a kind of ho-hum position in the Marvel adaptation lexicon, but that’s probably a fate that would have befallen any movie that followed-up The Avengers. It won’t leave a bad taste in your mouth, but don’t expect to be singing its praises either.

Red, Blue, Yellow, Gold, Silver, Crystal, Ruby, Sapphire, Emerald, Diamond, Pearl, Platinum, Black, White.

Whenever a conversation is brought up about Game Freak, these colors are used in sentences to specifically talk about the games that they’ve worked on, those games being Pokemon specifically.

And that’s about it, at least from what most people know, as they are a group specifically known for Pokemon, and nothing more.

I mean, who remembers Pulseman for the Sega‘s Mega Drive? Or 2005’s Drill Dozer for the GBA? (admittedly, these games were released in dying consoles in their respective times, so it‘s fair to say those wouldn‘t be remembered much).

But after some welcome changes in Game Freak’s internal structuring, employees were allowed to create new titles (while still working on Pokemon, mind you, that’s never going to change). And just like that, development began on this new game (surprisingly, this game was the brainchild of James Turner, who was the guy who created both Golurk, who is now loved by fans, and well… Vanille… But that’s besides the point).

That game, is called HarmoKnight.

Unlike anything previously created by the team, this title is a different breed altogether, not an RPG, not an action/adventure title, but instead; a rhythm/sort of platformer..

The story (yes, it has a story) put you in the control of Harmo, who after a meteor crashes on the planet, bringing along an evil entity known as Gargan that corrupts the planet, is send to deliver a note-shaped staff that has the ability to defeat this evil being to Symphony City, where someone who has the potential to become a HarmoKnight should be.

In all honesty thought, the story is forgettable, as are the characters, I applaud the effort to bring some sort of story telling, but it just falls flat and it just feels tacked on, then again, no one buys a rhythm game for the story.

The gameplay is where is at. You control Tempo, using only the A and B buttons, gameplay sometimes gets switched around every few stages to keep the game fresh, you are in control of a mine cart, other times you control an archer and fire away at far off enemies, and other times you use a drummer and a monkey… Yeah, don’t take this game seriously.

There are also boss stages sprinkled throughout the campaign, these stages are actually on the easy side, thanks to the fact that the game gives you the timing for each, another complain from these stages, is that you must always hit the last note, if you don’t, that means an automatic fail, which brought a frustrated grunt out of me more than once, since I had done it perfectly until then, fortunately, the stages aren’t overly long, so it’s not that much of a problem, although a skip for the first part of the track (EBA style) would have been nice.

(Don’t mind the German translation here)

The goal of each stage is to collect the most notes possible, this can be done by grabbing the notes floating around, hitting an enemy with the staff, as well as the instruments around the level, if enough are grabbed, a Royal Note that is needed to advance is received, this sounds easy enough, but this game is unforgiving in its rhythm and timing, if the hits are off by even a little bit, you will miss and will be damaged, or the target will bounce off completely missing the note, unlike past Nintendo rhythm games, this one can be a bit tough to master, even after I finished it, I still had trouble going through it.

How does the game look? It looks great! The graphics sport a cartoonish style that fit the lighthearted atmosphere of the game, even the enemies look silly for the most part, the models are well done and visible enough when they appear on-screen, allowing you enough time to react in order to hit them in the face while following the rhythm.

In the sound area? Well…  The sound cues are great, but the music itself is not the most catchy music ever created, I would go as far as to say it’s forgettable, I honestly cannot remember any of the tracks outside the Pokemon bonus tracks (which are a welcome addition to the game) and the Final Stage, which is only possible due to my repeated failure.

Another thing I noticed that other reviewers didn‘t address, was that the music in certain stages was recycled through each level, only being very minimally different, and the stages themselves being slightly altered, which is a lazy thing from the music department to do, seeing how the music was already forgettable enough, this is okay in games where platforming is key, but not in rhythm games, where music must definitely be good.

The game itself is also rather short, but for an eShop title, the length is to be expected, although the price tag of 15 bucks will surely put off some people.

But still, even with all of my complaints, I still can’t let this game go, using two buttons is simple enough, but mastering it has been a blast, I still think this franchise can do better, a sequel that deals with all of the issues this game has would be welcome, Game Freak, so when you are not working on Pokemon X and Y, that would be appreciated.

In conclusion, this is a game that I would only recommend to rhythm game fans, and for that matter, MAYBE Pokemon fans for the bonus tracks alone, although I don’t expect those guys to shell out 15 dollars for this game, it’s still a pretty solid entry that it wouldn’t hurt to have on your 3DS, but you really wouldn’t miss anything by waiting for the game to go on sale.

Poker Night at the Inventory 2 is TellTale’s latest Xbox Live Arcade, Steam and Playstation Network game and is, as the title suggests, a Poker game at it’s core. More than that, this downloadable title is an example of how great personalities and some clever writing can make a functional but not particularly exciting card game into an engaging and fun experience for the player.

After a short and cameo filled introduction the player, aptly named and referenced to as “Player”, is introduced to their adversaries for the night’s game; Brock from “The Venture Bros.”, Claptrap from “Borderlands”, Ash from “Army of Darkness” and Sam of “Sam and Max”. Other characters from these titles and other telltale titles drift in and out during the course of tournaments.

The Cast of Poker Night at the Inventory 2

The writing in this game is superb, drawing from popular culture, developer-in jokes and character backstories, always keeping the player engaged and chuckling throughout. TellTale has made the focus of the game the characters and their interactions whilst playing, not the poker itself. This works well in this game as the mix of nostalgia and humour, brought to life by the characters and Glad0s, allow the player get wrapped up in the experience not the base gameplay, often hanging out for the cast’s quips and comments more than counting the chips on the table and watching for tells.

The poker in game feels a little drab itself, and without the writing would probably be just another basic poker game. The choice of Glad0s as dealer helps to liven up the gameplay as she regularly drops from the ceiling to provide ‘helpful’ comments to the player. The game also features character animations to give away when they are bluffing, but they are not common or very well executed. The Player may also buy drinks for the cast from the bartender Mad Moxxi of the  Borderlands games. They make the ‘tells’ from others more obvious, but they still didn’t play much of a role in the results of the tournaments. When you get to playing you get a choice between “Texas Hold ‘Em” and “Omaha”, both games play well and the tournaments serve as opportunities for bragging rights, and more importantly, unlocks. After completing challenges you are offered the chance to win a special item from each character’s title, such as Ash’s Necronomicon and Claptrap’s Video Game Award, each awarding the player with unlocks outside of the game.

Borderlands 2 Unlocks

The game’s brilliant writing is added to by the ability to get heads and skins for Borderlands 2 on all platforms, and then platform specific unlocks including avatar items, Team Fortress 2 hats and exclusive themes. These unlocks keep the game playable well after the dialogue starts to repeat, but once you complete these there is little to keep you playing after the occasional game for nostalgia’s sake. There are also felt, deck and chip variants for each title to unlock, purchasable with ‘unlock tokens’ won in tournaments. These re-skin the bar and game aspects, but don’t affect gameplay.

Overall this game is quite fun and well worth the price tag, quite cheap on all platforms. The jokes, dialogue and unlocks make the game quite addictive and entertaining, but the replay value drops once the dialogue starts to loop and the unlocks are all collected. Some extra modes, multiplayer and more dialogue would help with the replay value, but the game is still great. For some laughs, free items and a good bit of poker fun this is well worth the download. A solid 8/10!

Okay, so funny story: I’m feeling deja-vu right now. Why? Because exactly one year ago today I was sitting in my kitchen, pounding out a quick list of “lessons” learned from the midnight release of “Avengers.” Now, a full year later, I’m sitting in my bedroom, about to pound out some wayward thoughts about another Marvel movie, Iron Man 3. Wow, thing’s don’t really change for the geek blogger, do they?

So last year, in my list of lessons, I made it a point to state that fans of the comic book heroes should forget Iron Man 2 ever happened. Iron Man 3 only drives the final nail into that coffin. Seriously, I watched the second movie about two weeks ago, trying to remind myself what was wrong with it. Was it the performance easily phoned in by Downey, Jr? Was it the utterly ridiculous accent affected by Mickey Rourke? Was it the over-the-top Justin Hammer, or the blatant overcompensation of the Stark Expo? No, it was ALL of that, and what should have been an amazing look into the day-to-day psychosis of Tony Stark ended up being a cartoon movie on par with Phantom Menace, just sans a motion capture fan-pandering and the utter brilliance of Liam Neeson.

Iron Man 3 is quick to shed any vestiges of that previous misstep. Borrowing heavily from the same character development and loss that worked so well in the Dark Knight Rises (yes, I am making that comparison here), Iron Man 3 manages to capture both desperation and the bravado of Tony Stark, while still showcasing that the man can feel pain. Actual, legitimate pain. Remember, this is a character created specifically to be unlikable, and now we the audience not only see his vulnerable side, but we see him suffer because of it.

We watch as he loses not just his home and armor, but his peace of mind. We watch him dream up nightmares of what he has seen and done. We witness the stress of actually BEING Iron Man finally take its inevitable toll on what is in fact just a man. A brilliant, arrogant genius of a man, but ultimately still just a man. We watch as it robs him of any sense of security he might have had, and cast him into a well of self-doubt and fear that takes actual effort to claw out of. This Tony Stark cannot, and will not, just buy himself freedom from his demons. No, now he has to actually face them, and surpass them, before he loses himself.

No more chasing shadows and suppressing his shortcomings, no, this time we get to see the real Tony. And, as he puts it so eloquently in the film’s closing moments, we watch as he realizes the suit wasn’t his obsession, nor his therapy, but rather it was his “cocoon.”

That, my fellow comic fans, is a story worth seeing. Never you mind that we saw it play out to utter perfection last summer with Bruce Wayne, this time we get to see it again, and watch it happen to quite possibly the most deserving douchebag in the entire comic book canon. Hell, its so worth seeing, that I’ll probably go again next week, just to see if I missed anything.

Some random tidbits now, before my coherence leaves me:

Ben Kingsley, OMGWTF. The man still has it, and in droves. Ditto for Gwyneth Paltrow, who proves, and quite definitively, that she has an inner badass that just needs the right method to convey.

Blight

While I am aware that this film’s plot was culled from the “Extremis” storyline in the comics, the entire time I watched Aldrich Killian “do his thing,” I kept picturing Blight from Batman Beyond. Not that I have a problem with that, Blight was awesome. I just couldn’t shake that notion. (Which, in hindsight, is also probably why I started thinking of Dark Knight Rises…tenuous connection, I know, but one that my mind is already predisposed to making.)

Obligatory post-credit scene? Check. We get to see Ruffalo again. Do not miss out on that, especially all you Tony/Bruce shippers.

And lastly, one does not mess with Don Cheadle. Seriously, don’t mess with him, OR his toys. WARMACHINEROX

This rant has been brought to you by the letters S and D, for sleep-deprived.

Everyone has a favorite teacher; that dedicated, funny, sympathetic role model who helped shape your formative years and provided comfort from the often callous and vicious world of school angst and the pitfalls of growing up. Think about that person for a moment, and what made them great. Picture them in your mind, hear the memory of their voice in your ears. Got a clear image of them? Good.

I bet your mental image looks nothing like this:

This man is Eikichi Onizuka, age 22, virgin, and for a class full of misfits and “social rejects,” he was that favorite teacher, the man who challenged and taught them all about the “real world.” How? By just being himself, and teaching them how NOT to act.

Great Teacher Onizuka was one of those “unlikely anime,” the type that is completely devoid of fantastic elements, lolicons, twenty minute power-ups and skimpy clothing, but still manages to pull the viewer in and keep them interested. Rather than deal with otherworldly enemies threatening human existence, it focused more on the trials and tribulations of being a high school student, which at times could be just as chaotic, and just as terrifying. It lacked “good guys” and “villains,” eschewing instead for a whole lot of gray-shaded cast members who were as petty as they were devoted to their jobs. In short, GTO (as it was so fondly referred to) was a sort of “dirty shonen” slice of life series, more concerned with its world and residents than impressing its reader base.

And that was not a bad thing at all.

A lot of that appeal centered around the aforementioned Onizuka, himself a social misfit more concerned with sex and violence than educating the youth of Japan. A former biker gang leader, he somehow managed to leave the “thug life” behind, enroll in a “5th rate college” and graduate with a degree in…something. You never really find out how studious he was, nor where his “academic” inclinations actually lie, given his preoccupation with porn, fighting and “keeping it real.” But next thing you see, he’s trying to find gainful employment, and failing miserably. Blame his bleached hair, his “yakuza tendencies” or the constant mountain of arrogance that he’s the proud king of, but poor Onizuka can’t seem to catch a break.

All that changes the day he meets, then loses, the “girl of his dreams:” a spunky high school student whom the future Great Teacher is absolutely positive he will finally lose his virginity to. And just as they’re about to do the deed, she literally jumps out a window and into the arms of another man. Who does he lose this wellspring of sexual energy to? Her high school teacher, a dumpy, bespectacled man with a sour face and apparently all the pull in the world. On that day, he swears to become the best teacher in Japan. Why? To get laid.

Let’s put aside the blatantly horrendous motivation for this decision, and focus on Onizuka for a moment. What does he have to offer his students? Forget about the three “R’s,” as Onizuka can barely read himself. Valuable lessons on life? Does one really want to accept the words of a “reformed” biker and generally viewed “lowlife?” Common sense? Not at all, since he’s doing this for the worst reason possible. For all intents and purposes, this man should never be anywhere near children, let alone given the task of teaching them. And yet, that’s exactly what he does.

Finally scoring a job at a prestigious private academy, Onizuka is immediately given the worst class in the school, made up of people either just like him, or well on their way to becoming just like him. Wannabe gang-bangers, unmotivated geniuses, promiscuous girls, awkward kids, and all manner of students who just don’t fit in. These are the students destined to fall through the cracks of the educational system, that the rest of the faculty have given up on, but can’t simply expel because their tuition checks have already been deposited. So, shunted off to the side and ignored, they plod through one ineffective teacher after another, until Eikichi ends up at their door one day, the latest in a long line of schmucks suckered into teaching the class. The “Great Teacher” brings in bluster in the door with him, trailing arrogance like a proud bridal train, ready to talk some “sense” into these students. How do they take to this new teacher, so completely “different” from any they have ever encountered before?

As far as they’re concerned, Onizuka isn’t any different from the others, except maybe that he’s dumber than any one of them, and starving for respect and attention. And they hate him.

Why? Because they can see right through him. They know he’s not a teacher. They know he only cares about having fun. From his “tough guy” facade to his horrible sense of humor, this is a man worthy of only their contempt, which they heap on him in droves. hell, the only reason he’s even in this class is because they’ve driven off every single other teacher assigned to them, and the administrators hope that they will do the same to Onizuka.

Until he starts saving them, one student at a time. Whether it’s giving them a reason to live, putting their problems into perspective, telling them to get over themselves (often with associated punches, kicks and getting his own ass handed to him), helping them get “revenge” on those who wronged them, teaching them to stand up for themselves or just not take any s**t from “the man,” the Great Teacher imparts whatever wisdom and street smarts he can, while often taking lumps and plenty of attitude along the way. It’s like the School of Hard Knocks, 90210-style.

His tenacity eventually overcomes even the most stubborn (or stuck up) of the students he encounters, and by year’s end, he manages to reform the worst class at the academy into something resembling a productive learning unit, while teaching even some of his “colleagues” the value of knowing themselves…or at least giving them lessons in self-extracting their heads from their own asses. A little humility goes a long way, and while Onizuka might not know the meaning of the word, he sure can impart its value on others.

That tenacity is the key to GTO’s appeal. Knowing from the outset that Eikichi Onizuka is an “eternal f**k-up who just doesn’t give a s**t” lends him a certain humanity that drives the story. You know he’s going to fail, yet you cheer for him anyway. When he occasionally succeeds, you celebrate with him. When he gets caught with his pants down (literally, on more than a few occasions), you feel for him, but also realize that it’s only going to make him more careful in the future. His crass manners have a certain charm to them, you root for him to find the “right girl,” and when he finally gets the better of his naysayers, you want to clap him on the back and buy him a drink.

Onizuka is the ultimate underdog. And like most underdogs, you want to see him win, regardless of whether its against “corrupt” educators, “conniving” students, or even his own shortcomings. You want Eikichi Onizuka to win. And I guess in that regard, he already has.

Gratuitous shot of…well, everything.

You can consumer GTO in a number of ways: the 1997-2002 manga, while out of print, is excellent. The 1999 anime is a faithful adaptation of the manga, and easier to track down. The 1998 J-Drama (with 99 sequel film) is a bit short on the plot, but the actor who plays Onizuka is phenomenal. Or you can look for the 2012 reboot. Honestly, it doesn’t matter: any version of GTO is worth consuming. Honestly, how many properties can say that these days? There is also a prequel manga “GTO: The Early Years,” and sequel”14 Days in Shonan,” both available now from Vertical Publishing.

The Nintendo DS was an underrated system. Cue backlash, but hear me out for a moment: in an era with flashy onscreen graphics and multiplayer gameplay, the DS stood alone with its often “basic” displays and “restricted” single-player campaigns. And, predictably, there were a great many games that flew under the radar of gamers. This is the tale of one of those games, which appeared and vanished quickly, while still gathering praise and helping add to the prestige of the series with which it was aligned.

This is the tale of Devil Survivor.

Devil Survivor arrived on scene at the perfect time: early Summer 2009, right after the release of Pokemon Platinum (and at the time when the casual Poke-players would be seeking something new), near the beginning of a season perfectly suited for portable gaming. Part of the prolific Shin Megami Tensei series, this game was a solid representation of the visual novel/tactical battle system pioneered by Atlus throughout the previous decade or so. Mixing elements of strategy, foresight and “common sense,” it brought players into a world on the brink and asked “what would you do to survive?”

Devil Survivor was an apocalypse story in the truest sense of the word. Rather than portraying the downfall of society at the hands of zombies/aliens/communists/etc, the game chose to “pull back the veil,” and reveal to a select few the “reality” behind out world: angels are calling the shots and maintaining a semblance of order, while demons seek to rebel and overtake the masses using mankind as a nexus point for their plots. Humanity, caught in between their eternal war, is given seven days to comply with the angel’s commands, or the city of Tokyo will be completely destroyed.

While borrowing heavily from Christian symbolism and storytelling, the game manages to frame the topic in a context that leaves religion out of the debate. Rather than bear witness to the coming doom, a select few of those humans choose to do something. Cults devoted to the idea of human liberation preach the transcendental power of humanity as a whole and warn against both domination and depravity. Certain demons, despite their “unholy” origins, choose to work alongside humans to spare the destruction, while angels appear petty at times, reveling in their “power” while the world around them slowly decays. Long before Supernatural decided to “humanize” the warring factions of good and evil and throw shades of gray into the cosmic struggle, Devil Survivor was portraying both sides strengths and weaknesses as part of an expansive “morality play” and forcing the player to call the shots on how the story ended.

The concept of survival was a central point to the entire experience, as players were forced to deal with mobs of panicking humans, discovering shelter for the night, acquiring food and even looking for a power source at one point, all while society crumbles around them. The daily “countdown” towards impending doom added to the tension of the story, facilitating the need for “smart” decisions, rather than just reacting to the situation at hand, a tactic which would more than likely lead to death or derailment of plans/plots/initiatives. While not as urgent as a survival horror game, there was a distinct emphasis on consequences and foresight built into the plot, which rewarded astute gamers, and added stress to impulsive choices.

This emphasis on storytelling is one of the hallmarks of the Shin Megami Tensei series as a whole, and Devil Survivor expanded upon narrative and character interaction throughout the “seven days” of gameplay. There were numerous story lines in play, rooted around the game’s central characters, and even more around some of the “supporting cast.” Deciding which path the game took often required quick thinking, time management, and attention to detail, for some of the alternate stories hinged on how certain interactions proceeded, how often specific characters were used, what time of day it was, and how well the Protagonist sympathized and related to the individual stories of his friends. One slip up could close off an entire story line from that play through (especially those which were time-sensitive), and often that deciding moment would not be noticed until hours later. Finally, unlike its sequel, which forced the player to choose which side he was on, Devil Survivor elected instead to keep the main plot of the game static: the alterations to the plot rarely changed the outcome, just the path the story took to get to the outcome.

Mechanically, Devil Survivor was fantastically executed. I often called this game series “Pokemon with demons,” and for good reason. Unlike Persona games, which rely on luck and savvy fusing skills, or previous SMT games which needed negotiations to win demons over to your side, Devil Survivor tackled the issue by instituting an auction system. Money accrued during gameplay was used to enter into a “demon auction” against computer controlled AI “characters,” who would bid for the rights to contract with demons offering their services online. Quick bidding and successful manipulation of the system would net powerful demons at a low cost. Failure would mean loss of a potentially powerful ally forever.

While there was a buyout system which circumvented the bidding wars, it was often more cost-effective to analyze strategies and find ways to outbid the computer, thereby winning powerful new demons to your collection, which could then be fielded or fused within the Cathedral of Shadows to create more powerful fare. Players were encouraged to keep checking the auctions after each battle, since new demons would appear frequently, as older ones would eventually “experience out” of viability. This mix of fusion and “negotiation” proved to be as addictive to players as wandering the tall grass, because battles were often challenging and required a steady stream of “the best” demons to ensure victory.

Battles were both simple and complicated affairs. Borrowing from the tactical RPGs which Atlus is known for, combat removed the player from the interactive world and placed him on a massive grid system, facing off against wild demons or opposing summoners. Strategy took the form of choosing not only the appropriate demon, but also having a working knowledge of the demons skills and “specialties.” Certain demons had the ability to move quickly, or multiple times. Others could attach twice. Others could attack from long range. Some could heal, or fly, or teleport. It was very easy to lose sight of these special skills in the heat of combat, and thereby discover your party has been maneuvered into a tight spot from which escape was unlikely. There were many-a-battle where enemies with huge hit boxes could wipe out an unprepared party before they could move within range to strike.

Devil Survivor was a frustrating experience for the unprepared. While the learning curve was hardly an issue, the difficulty would abruptly ratchet up several levels in between encounters. Time-sensitive events would vanish swiftly, and frequently never pop up again in the “daily log,” thereby restricting (or even breaking) carefully planned course of action. Certain bosses were quirky and had merciless AI and “random number generators,” which could spell doom for even the best-prepared party. Even grinding was unpredictable and relentless in its encounters. And yet, it is a testament to the game’s appeal that one would not wish to stop playing. Even after losing a hard-fought, twenty-plus minute boss fight in the final moments due to an unanticipated sequence of strikes, the player would simply reload a save and go right back, taking what they learned and hopefully avoiding it the second (or third, or fourth) time around. Maybe a tweak to character abilities, or a swapping of demons/party members, and it was back into battle. It made the eventual victory both sweeter and more satisfying, knowing it was attained through strategy and effort, and not just overpowered steamrolling.

It might be a testament to the success of the game that you rarely see copies for sale. It sold fairly well, maybe not a hit in most people’s opinions, but certainly enough to warrant both a “fancy” 3DS upgrade, and “cult classic” status. It vanished from store shelves a few months after release, and even the used game sections rarely-if ever- see copies in them. Like many of the other SMT titles, this one served to satisfy the fan-base, but also made fans of many newcomers, myself included. While it’s a radical departure from the wildly popular Persona series that many casual gamers recognize, it was also familiar enough to have solid appeal. The replay value was extremely high: New Game + mode carried over demons and money, which made the followup game sessions ridiculously easy; the existence of multiple endings, “exclusive” fusions, and optional bosses prompted repeat plays just to see how strong one could become.

There was a sequel released in February of last year, also for the DS, which carried over many of the aspects that made this game such a success. And on it’s own, Devil Survivor 2 is as much a “Game You Slept On” as it’s precursor. But for this gamer, the first title will always be the special one. It opened the wide world of Shin Megami Tensei on a platform that seemed perfectly suited for casual play, while not losing any of the addictive nature that other SMT games hold. It was because of this game that I sampled Persona, which has become its own monster in my gaming life. And while I haven’t played it since those three hundred or so hours back in 2009, I can still recall vividly how much enjoyment the game carried with it. That’s a rarity these days.

Don’t be so Mainstream

Nintendo has been a household name for almost thirty years now. It is one of the most powerful brands in the world according to Forbes. They are KNOWN as one of the most innovative companies to date. They have been responsible for some of the most well known characters that children and adults recognize globally. These are all the reasons why the industry looks to Nintendo to bring back those qualities.

Today however, we have too many re-makes and not enough new ideas coming from Nintendo. When Nintendo produces it’s often a Golden Egg, but they need far more than a few 3DS titles to stay competitive.

Nintendo held the torch when it came to ushering in the casual & young market of gamers. People who haven’t picked up a video game since the original Pac-Man were comfortable buying the Nintendo Wii. It was a child friendly system that called for active movement. Games like Ghost Squad and House of the Dead brought back those “Arcade” memories, and titles like “Just Dance” got everyone moving with ease. Millions of people were excited for video games once again. Now six years later the flame has died down. The Wii-U is out, it’s selling at a decent pace and it needs time to grow, but will it be enough to leave the footprint that the Nintendo Wii did? Will they be able to convince the casual market to choose them over PlayStation, Xbox and the ever consistently growing mobile industry?

Even as an Old School Gamer, you need new content

The success of the Wii was because of the casual market’s support and Nintendo has done a poor job marketing their latest system to that market. The Wii-U launch on a financial basis isn’t doing a bad job. However the hardcore audience, (the very audience they wanted to sell this console to) is disappointed and starved for the new and innovative content they are known for. Re-imagining games for nostalgic appeal is a great sell in today’s industry. Older players love the feeling of familiar levels re-visited, and the old mechanics help usher in some younger gamers.
No-one is more guilty of reanimating their best franchises like Nintendo, and that is not necessarily a bad thing; they do it very well and always seem to breathe new life into the classics, but where are the truly “New” concepts? Now the competition has changed, the reason people play has changed, when and where people play has changed. The mobile games industry takes more and more attention from the Nintendo DS. Although Nintendo doesn’t have to fear tablet and phone gaming….yet; they are in a position to dominate once again. Nintendo needs new games and gamers want a damn good reason to play them.

We have already heard the griping about the launch line-up for the Wii-U, and the lack of games available for the console right now. Even with ports of titles like Assassins Creed III and Batman Arkham City that play in a unique way, gamers don’t care; they want the “Nintendo Experience”. They have to make people understand why they need a Wii-U after they have burned out their Wii. Nintendo has to convince the gamers that after they have spent their money that this is where they should be spending their time. Nintendo needs to take the gloves off and show everyone why their software can last for decades. Nintendo needs to convince that casual crowd that they can still entertain and provide a safe haven for the younger gamers. This next year Nintendo has to prove why they belong in your life.

1. This next generation, people will be asking themselves one thing: “What kind of experience can I get here and nowhere else”. Nintendo’s campaign should be focused on one phrase: “Only on Nintendo”

According to Twitter, it’s always a good problem when an anime season has too many good shows. This logic is sound: I would rather spend my time choosing between awesome series than trying to find just ONE to hold my interest. In addition to keeping my occupied, it also adds just enough spice to long road trips, because now I’ve got a backlog to work on instead of just staring out the window.

Spring 2013 is one of those good seasons. Seriously, between apocalyptic battles between man and monster, giant robots, elder gods and something new from Gen Urobuchi, it was a challenge to find that one show to follow until summer. So I decided to follow four, with the potential for a fifth to come later. Hence, this will be part one of my Spring 2013 impressions, the second to come after I’ve fully caught up.

First Pick: Valvrave the Liberator

I’ve had a really low opinion of giant robot shows for the past few years. While my “formative time” as an anime fan was spent watching a lot of Gundam, recently (since around the time Code Geass was airing) I discovered how little I cared about mecha as a genre. Gundam AGE didn’t strike a chord with me (or anyone, really…), and I would be hard-pressed to identify a single robot series that I found compelling or interesting. And then came Valvrave.

Off the bat, this show plays like Gundam Seed did a decade ago. Space colonies at war, hidden weapons of destruction, betrayal, espionage, schoolchildren, a stab at the Russians…the pilot was scene for scene a rehash of Seed (with a single nod to Destiny midway through), and yet did not come off as being “fake” in any way. It moved quickly, hooking me as a viewer and making me feel invested in a narrative that’s been done to death by every other mecha franchise since ever.

Then came the “obligatory” curve: the machine itself was either sentient, or some kind of channel for powers beyond the comprehension of man. Cue awesome neon lights, an ass-kicking, and an enemy army on the run. Okay, been there, but this is pretty flashy. What else you got? Pilot gets shot- repeatedly- but gets up and bites a his assailant. Okay, vampires? Unexpected, especially for a science fiction series? No, wait…not vampires…he BODY-SWAPPED with him? And now he can use all those “1337 ninja skillz” against his foes? What IS this show? I DO NOT CARE!

Valvrave, no matter how derivative it comes off at times, is fun, and even a bit refreshing. It drops hints slowly as to what the bigger picture is, so while fans can appreciate the nods to past mecha series, they can also look forward to twists and turns as the story progresses. As of the second episode, none of the characters are all that different from the “cookie cutter” mold established thirty years ago, but the influx of animation technologies and grandiose fight scenes help you forget its “roots.” I’m eager to see where this series goes in the end, but as long as it keeps up the bells, whistles and head-shots, I think I can live with the results. After all, Valvrave is also wicked fun, not bogged down in political jargon or complicated diplomatics. There’s a war, there’s a giant robot, let’s see where this goes. It adds up to being fun, which in the end is one of the major reasons for watching anime in the first place.

Valvrave gets an A, for awesome. And there’s a post-credit scene in episode 1.

Second Pick: Shingeki no Kyojin (Attack on Titan)

Last summer I watched a series where humanity was in a state of decline and “otherworldly” beings were now the masters of Earth. This season that theme comes back, but it’s no longer cute little faeries creating bread from rubber, megalomaniacal skinless chickens, and yaoi criticism. Attack on Titan is a dark, moody show that depicts mankind not just in decline, but on the defensive against a powerful, predatory foe eager to devour us all. How does it feel being knocked down a peg on the food chain?

The plot establishes itself quickly: in the face of monstrous, androgynous beings called “Eotena” (who are deliciously creepy thanks to wide grins, sharp teeth and an utter lack of both clothing and genitalia), mankind has withdrawn behind massive walls built to keep our dwindling population safe from being eaten off the face of the planet. These walls, and the people living behind them, have stood for a century without breech, a fact which leaves some of the residents more complacent about our standing in the world. A young boy dreams of a future where he (and the rest of humanity) can rise up and strike down their tormentors, and establish a new world outside the walls, where men are no longer “livestock,” but the true masters of nature.

Then the destruction comes. Confronted with an Eotena far larger and stronger than any encountered before, the walls are breached, and mankind once again becomes cattle to be devoured by their gigantic foes. Attack on Titan weaves together a powerful message of survival, politics, ambition, and annihilation, as the resources and resourcefulness of humanity as a species must contend with forces beyond our control, and capability to fight. The Eotena are mindless killing machines with no thought other than acquiring prey. The soldiers lack courage needed to fight against them, or find themselves hopelessly outmatched. Bravery and food are both in short supply, enough to spur on suicide missions against an unbeatable foe, mostly in the name of “population control.”

Lunch time…

This is a very dismal series. Recalling imagery from “War of the Worlds,” “Berserk,” and “Gojira,” it depicts civilization on the brink on collapse. Heroes are born, but are powerless to institute change. Like its kaiju-cousins, its better to run, hide, and survive than fight back, but where is the honor in that? Is it even possible to be honorable when life as you know it is coming to an end? (Or, as one character puts it: you lack the strength to save the world. I lack the courage.) What must you do to survive? These are themes explored in just the first two episodes, with promises of secret powers and weapons to come later.

Attack on Titan also receives an A, for allegory and adult themes.