Warning: This article is satire. It’s not meant to be taken seriously.
Redwood City, CA: In an unprecedented move, gaming conglomerate, EA, will employ an arcade-style set of microtransactions for Star Wars Battlefront 2, ticking off gamers and making EA executives extremely happy.
The microtransactions will be similar to that of person gaming in an arcade: two dollars to start the game and a quarter for every death (up to three deaths) for Battlefront 2. Gamers will need to have their credit card on file in order to play. This will be implemented for both single and multiplayer.
Gamers aren’t so happy with the new move.
“What the heck are they thinking?” Asked ticked-off gamer John Surly. “I already bought the game! Why do I now need to pay just to play the game? And then I have to pay every time I die? This has to be illegal.”
“It’s actually not illegal,” EA said in a press release. “Gamers agreed to the terms of service when they load the game. It was in the fine print that we could do this. Trust us.”
EA noted in the press release that they just wanted gamers to experience the “authentic retro feel of going to an arcade” in their gaming experience and that this will motivate Battlefront 2 players to get better, since there is money on the line.
“They don’t care about an arcade experience,” gamer Jennifer Jones said. “They just want money. This is worse than microtransactions! I have to pay just to play the game! If this goes through, I’m never picking Battlefront 2 up again.”
EA has yet to respond to the collective outrage from gamers, although they did redirect attention to their new “credit card controller” that came out last month (see picture).