CONTENT WARNING: Screenshots from UnMetal contain swearing and sexual innuendo as does the game itself.
Metal Gear may be one of the most ubiquitous titles in gaming. Hardly anyone doesn’t at least have a passing familiarity with the title if not some familiarity with a few of the characters. Even non-gamers have heard of Metal Gear. With that level of name recognition, it was only a matter of time before someone made a playable parody version of one of the games, and fortunately for us, that time is now! What a time to be alive!
As you may have guessed, UnMetal is a parody version of the original NES game Metal Gear from way back in 1987. If you want to be technical, Metal Gear was originally a superior version exclusive to Japan on the MSX2 but no one likes a technicality geek. Regardless, the team over at Fran Games (purveyors of UnEpic and Ghost 1.0) and publishers Versus Evil and Eastasiasoft have brought us a wonderfully colorful comedy rendition of the original Metal Gear. And by colorful, it’s not a vibrant color palette but rather absolutely chock full of swearing, innuendo, and college potty humor!
In UnMetal you play Jesse Fox, a Solid Snake lookalike telling his story of escape from a jungle militia base to a military interrogator. The game is structured like a flashback and you listen to cutscenes where Jesse’s hilariously gravelly voice gives detail after absurd detail trying to out-do himself through level after level. The rest of the time you spend playing through a stealth action game that looks and plays very closely to the original Metal Gear. You sneak up on guards, distract them, evade guard dogs, fight robots, and even hideously mutated squirrels.
Squirrels? Yup. Depending on your choices in Jesse’s narrative, the events of the game shift somewhat, becoming harder, easier, or just plain weirder. You run a menu management screen as well, combining items to create new ones in order to facilitate your escape. Along the way, you’ll also gather a helpful group of co-conspirators, either because they want you to help them or they want to be rid of you. It’s a gloriously self-indulgent romp into the ridiculousness of the Metal Gear series that manages to find its own identity along the way. There’s actually even more going on here than that, but it would be a shame to ruin all the surprises. Let’s just say that there’s a deeper narrative at play here and an absolutely ridiculous number of subtle nods to various gaming conventions, movies, and more.
UnMetal plays like you remember Metal Gear playing on the NES if you’re *cough* old as crap. While it doesn’t actually match the source material identically, there’s still a distinctive feel, like someone skillfully remapped the controls to a modern system. You can punch enemies, hide behind walls and toss coins out to distract them, or just plain shoot them (though there are definite disadvantages to that). There are a variety of other items, like a one use chemical toilet to save, dirty rags to stop the bleeding from wounds, and even a cobbled-together radio that allows you to keep in touch with your allies in the base. Sneaking around and grabbing keys, knocking out guards, and smashing boxes is a wildly entertaining endeavour and the surface simplicity of the game belies a deeper challenge that will have you grinding forward relentlessly even in the harder sections of the game.
And make no mistake, UnMetal is a hard game on normal difficulty. The main levels are fairly straightforward but once you’ve gotten about halfway through the first chapter (of 10) the game’s difficulty starts sloping upward rather quickly. Bosses are particularly challenging, with unforgiving patterns and attacks that will have you repeating the fights over and over. The patterns are obvious most of the time but the margins for error are remarkably small and unless you have impressive reflexes, UnMetal will definitely test you. There is no sacrifice in gameplay for the sake of comedy here and you’re in for a solid challenge. This is consistent with Fran Games’ previous titles, UnEpic and Ghost 1.0. Ghost was similarly challenging, letting you think it was going to be a breeze and then sucking you into a grueling grind to get through a plot that was worth the work. The same goes for UnMetal, and working through the chapters rewards you with a ridiculous story that will have you grinning from ear to ear unless you’re easily offended. It’s silly, it’s crass, it’s over the top, and it’s just good solid fun. Not clean fun, because it’s absolutely filthy, but good fun. In point of fact, the M rating should definitely be taken seriously on UnMetal for the language and script alone, even if the pixellated violence isn’t particularly disturbing.
The music and sounds in UnMetal suit the game perfectly, leaving no question that this was a carefully orchestrated soundtrack and the Metal Gear flavor is suitably preserved without feeling stolen (even though it totally was). It’s a complementary soundtrack that absolutely suits the game, and even when you don’t notice the music has kicked in, it’s driving the game forward. Similarly, the graphics are clever and fun, and the pixel art is detailed and unique, giving UnMetal a vibe of its own while all the while it’s stealing straight from Kojima. The simple fact is that the game looks great, sounds great, and plays great.
There’s really not a lot more to say about UnMetal without ruining the experience. If you don’t enjoy potty humor and hokey jokes, UnMetal might not resonate with you and the same goes for gameplay snobs who can’t handle a vintage rinse-and-repeat style of level design (even if there are a ton of unqiue aspects to each level). This is not a high art game, but a crass comedy that doesn’t take itself seriouisly. Oddly enough, that’s also kind of what makes it into a high art game, refining the melding of comedic approaches with a modern homage to a classic game and a variety of popular culture. It’s weird to say this about UnMetal but it honestly surpasses its intended goals just by virtue of being the exact game it was meant to be and because of that, it becomes something special. Sure, there’s a ton of outrageous and politically incorrect stuff strewn throughout the 9-12 hours it’ll take you to beat the game. But that’s kind of the point too, and like a good 80s comedy, it’s not about the stability of the plot but the ride you go on to experience it. Don’t skip UnMetal. It would be like arresting it for a crime it didn’t commit. Go buy it, play it, have a beer, and have some laughs! Just maybe wait until after the kids are in bed.
This review was based on a digital copy of UnMetal provided by the publisher. It was played on a Nintendo Switch in both docked and undocked modes. UnMetal is also available on XSX, Xbox One, PS4, PS5, and PC on Steam and Epic. All screenshots are from actual gameplay.
